Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
