I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
