we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
should my penis look like a turkey
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
