Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
