Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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