I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
