Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
