the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
