I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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