did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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