never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
