I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
