can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
