Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
