Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
