saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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