the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You don't make any sense
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