I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
