I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
