You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
