so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
