So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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