No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
