Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
