So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
