already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
