Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
