i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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