At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
