As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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