You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
