It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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