Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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