I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
