I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
