So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
