my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
