Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
