Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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