guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
