Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
