Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
