Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
