I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
