i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
