It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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