fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
