i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
