I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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