I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
