My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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