I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
