so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
