Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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