So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
