Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
