Soap is not a condiment
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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