When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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