Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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