No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
